Ode to My Favorite Kitchen Gadget

blue cartoonish crock pot gadget

I have a self-professed love for kitchen gadgets, the more ridiculous the better (hot dog + bun toaster anyone?). I’ve even set up an entire Instagram account dedicated to discovering and sharing these crazy finds (@stupidkitchengadgets). This quirky fixation probably stems from early childhood indoctrination via the high energy tv ads of my youth courtesy of Ron Popeil (“Set it and forget it!”) and others.

I gotta admit, I have a fair number of these gadgets on hand, but only the truly useful ones get to stick around, no matter how narrow the use (ahem, egg slicer). I run a tight ship and I can’t deal with overflowing kitchen drawers and countertops. Everything in my kitchen must be used at minimum once per year (example: turkey roasting pan) or it is out. I wish I could be this disciplined in my closet. What can I say? I am a work in progress.

Gateway Gadgets

 

Foghorn Leghorn Branded Egg Cooker Gadget
The gadget that started it all

The gateway gadget for me though was the Foghorn Leghorn branded egg cooker my mom bought me when I was in college (if you don’t recognize that cartoon reference then you grew up in different generation; I’m sad for you). It was a bright yellow and white ovoid shaped pod that took raw eggs to perfectly hard boiled with a splash of water and a touch of the single function button. No complicated user manuals or settings to figure out, just load it up and turn it on. No need to time or calculate, the thing just magically shut itself off with a cute little chirp when the eggs were done. I think it also had the option to make poached eggs too, but I didn’t bother with that.

Gadgets Galore

Dazzled by the quirkiness and utility of my egg cooker, I began collecting all manner of kitchen gadgets. Some were winners (rice cooker, still a work horse in my kitchen) and some were definitely losers that did not earn a permanent place in my home (cherry pitter, what was I thinking? I don’t even really like cherries). I can boldly state that I use kitchen gadgets every day. It is 630 am and I have already used my electric hot water kettle, rice cooker and egg slicer!

But there is one unassuming, maybe even a bit dowdy machine that gets no respect — the slow cooker. I am here to rectify that with a celebration of the magic of the “Crock Pot” (like Kleenex, the brand name has become synonymous with the gadget itself).

Don’t Dismiss the Crock Pot

I remember growing up in the glorious 1970s when every household had one. Usually in some unfortunate earth toned hue, sometimes with cute mushrooms or other designs. Curiously, I rarely saw them in use. I know we had an orange and brown version taking up valuable cupboard space at home, but I have no recollection of any meals coming out of it. It just gathered dust wedged in between the fondue pot and the plug-in electric wok (hmmm maybe my love of kitchen gadgets has a genetic component…). I honestly suspect it’s weight may have made it less attractive to my mom — hauling that thing out of the cabinet would have required significant upper body strength. A quick aside — I found that when I relocated my stand mixer to the counter top, I starting using it more than when I had it stored elsewhere and had to muscle it out each time. That thing is a monster!

Gorgeous dark red Kitchen Aid stand mixer against a blue tiled backsplash
Not a Crock Pot

But I love it. My point is, if it is too hard to even get it out, it’s probably not gonna be used much, if at all. I suspect this explains the dearth of Crock Pot cooking in my childhood home.

But anyway, today, my Crock Pot is a star in my kitchen. It is wayyyyyy lighter than those older, cuter versions. The ceramic insert still has some mass, but the external housing is super light. Still (thankfully) just one knob that is easy to understand. No need for precision timing, it is highly forgiving (hard to overcook stuff) and is conducive to kitchen ad-libbing. I mean look at what this thing can do; it can transform humble ingredients into magical meals like the soup below.

This is probably my death row meal: Navy bean and ham soup courtesy of my Crock Pot

I cook everything in those babies. Oh sure, the predictable soups, stews and braises are a given. But I also love to cook up dried beans to have around, avoiding all the added salt and waste that comes with buying canned. It takes a little forethought, but is worth it. They taste better and are way cheaper. Just start them in the morning and have fresh beans by dinner time. If you make too many, store them in the fridge or freeze them for later. It is also a great vehicle for slow simmering my homemade marinara sauce and saves my stove from splatter. I love that it can slow cook all day and I get to bask in the aromas without having to tend to it. There is something peaceful about cooking slowly and lazily like this. I even bought a second one (in pink!) for smaller jobs, like when I’m home alone and want to cook something just for me.

Crock Pot Versatility

Another lesser-known Crock Pot feature is that you can use it quite effectively as an oven. I do this often in the hot summer months when I want to avoid adding any extra heat to the house. I’ve done ribs and jerk chicken and even baked potatoes. It has been a life saver during the holidays when oven space is at a premium. I’ve made whole turkeys and even stuffing in that crazy thing.

Little pink number still gets the job done

It may not have 50 different functions with a code to learn for each, but it is more versatile than you might think. And guess what I sent my daughter when she was sick while away at college? A petite size for making simple soups in smaller quantities without much effort. She was thrilled. Genetic gadget love successfully passed down to the next generation.

 

One Hit Wonders

I am emphatically anti-clutter in the kitchen. Well, actually, most places in my house but especially in the kitchen. I like a clean, streamlined space. If my kitchen is dirty, I clean it before I cook in it. My weirdness is already well-established. My husband learned the hard way when he moved in that I do not tolerate multiples of any kitchen item (except silverware, dishes and wooden spoons). His favored corkscrew? Gone. I already had a similar one. His wine glasses? Out. I’ve got plenty. Ditto for cutting boards, cookie cutters, coffee pots, whatever else I already had and did not need. Don’t even get me started on single use kitchen gadgets! Most of these are pure clutter and seem utterly ridiculous to me, albeit as such, often entertaining. It was a relatively tense moment when I asked him to prove the utility of his milk foamer under intense scrutiny before I would consent to its continued residence in our cupboards.

I am not without my vices however. I cannot deny an abiding love for the following single use items, some admittedly silly.

I must confess a deep attachment  for my rice cooker. I have owned one since receiving my first model as a high school graduation gift from my grandma. Priceless bit of magical machinery. Lasted 25+ years before I had to replace it. That little baby kept me and my poor hungry college friends fed on many an impaired occasion when the sobering and nourishing power of white rice was desperately needed. My mom gave me my first egg cooker as a joke one Christmas. It was a branded model, Foghorn Leghorn (for those who understand that reference) and I instantly fell in love. This ridiculous little machine pays for itself by turning out perfectly hard cooked eggs every time without requiring me to boil water or set a timer. I am emphatically anti-timer. Related item – I also have an egg slicer, because I like eggs on toast without having to squish everything up using a knife getting crumbly yolk all over my hands. Stupid, I know, but I like it. A salad spinner is indispensable because, um, I like salad and wish to avoid food borne illnesses.

In the interest of complete transparency I also own an electric kettle (life changing for this tea drinker and I’ve never looked back), a lemon twist cutter (I like martinis), and a tortilla press – I’ll tell you more about that one later, but homemade tortillas are a cinch, dirt cheap, taste great and make you look like a rockstar in the kitchen. Worth the cupboard space. Otherwise, I’m pretty much opposed to over stocking my kitchen drawers.  I mean if you use it, fine, but if not, get rid of it! For most things I use a knife, sometimes scissors (much overlooked versatile kitchen tool), a pan, the stove, and the oven to get things done. More on my favorite kitchen essentials to come and a collection of my all time favorite stupid kitchen gadgets here can be found on instagram @stupidkitchengadgets.

Stupid Kitchen Gadgets Haiku Poem by Kc is me AKA Karyn Shomler

Why Just 4 Paragraphs?

I value concise writing.

I don’t want to tell you what to think or try to convince you to think like I do.

I will tell you enough about what I think to hopefully get your own mind working.

4 is my favorite number.

Have Knife, Will Travel

I love travelling and staying in rental places with a kitchen. I know, I’m weird. Most people think of vacation as including a break from cooking, but this is how I relax. And I usually bring my own knives. I’m not trying to be all pretentious, but it really does affect my whole experience if I have to work with shitty tools, so I bring my own because the knives in rental homes invariably suck. Too much baggage you say? I think not. Cooking is one of my biggest creative outlets, and I enjoy doing it every day, home or away.  It is legitimately my hobby, and just like other people might bring their golf clubs or tennis racket on a trip, I bring my favorite knife.

Cooking with shitty knives makes cooking feel like a chore instead of a joy. When I cook I most love that feeling of being “in the flow”, creating, planning, timing, moving with ease about my kitchen and a cheap, dull knife blocks that flow. I’ve got to work harder to make things happen and that’s not fun. But with my trusty steel in my hand, I can navigate a rental kitchen with all of its crappy, mismatched cookware, dreaded induction cooktop and weird smelling utensil drawers. And that is part of the adventure – making delicious food in unfamiliar and less than ideal circumstances. But my knife, my most useful and beloved tool, that I won’t compromise and travel without anymore, lest cooking become a bummer and a burden.

Knives don’t have to be intimidating. Find one that fits in your hand comfortably, feels sturdy but not too heavy and has a sharp blade. You won’t feel like you have to work hard to cut stuff when you are using the right knife. I have had the same set of Global knives for almost 20 years and I still love them and use them everyday. My favorite is a big badass cleaver-kinda situation. Great for chopping veg, which I do a lot, and the wide flat blade is perfect for whacking garlic. I also have a serrated knife for slicing bread and stuff that is softer like tomatoes. My small paring knife is perfect for smaller jobs like taking the tops off of strawberries, opening packages (I know, it dulls the blade) and peeling potatoes. Not sure why, but I prefer to peel potatoes in my hand with a small knife. It just feels right, but as previously mentioned, I’m weird.

And I get it why rentals don’t stock good knives. People don’t know how or don’t take the time to care for them properly. They throw them in the dishwasher (shudder), instead of washing and drying them lovingly by hand. They use them for all variety of non-cooking related jobs such as opening bags, boxes and beers.  Or as a substitute for other tools like screwdrivers. They leave them out in the sun, sand and surf. So why bother? Those of us who care enough can and will just bring our own.

 

 

 

Kitchen Gadget Haiku

Stupid Kitchen Gadgets Haiku Poem by Kc is me AKA Karyn Shomler

Where stupid kitchen gadgets abound,

Overflowing drawers and cabinets,

I use a knife.

 

Not really a classic haiku, but when have I been known to follow the rules?!

As I’ve already stated, ad nauseam, I prefer to use simple, versatile tools. Like a knife instead of a garlic peeler, an avocado cutter, banana slicer or pizza scissors. Rarely do I find these single use gadgets to be time savers or more effective tools (except my hard-boiled egg slicer, judge me if you must). Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE stupid kitchen gadgets! I find them entertaining, puzzling, often hysterically funny and sometimes just plain odd.

A few of my favorites: The motorized ice cream cone (so you don’t have to turn your cone manually to avoid drips, like a sucker). The countertop rotating pizza cooker (um, oven?). The egg cracker (when you just can’t be bothered). Corn cob kernel remover (for those who don’t own, say, a knife?). Would you believe I actually owned the hot dog maker at one point in my life? It was called the “Hot Diggity Dogger”. It looked like and pretty much functioned as a classic toaster. Load the appropriately shaped slots, push down and heat your hot dog bun and frank at the same time (Thanks Darlene). Ingenious! And soooo many more!

I welcome any great finds out there, send ‘em in.

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Stupid Kitchens Gadgets from kc is me AKA Karyn Shomler